A holiday breakthrough for mental health
by Pstonie (22 December 2005)A Swedish human rights group will turn their attention to Denmark this holiday season as they take action against a growing annual trend. "It's been statistically proven that every year more and more people are getting e-Mails of drunken Danes in their birthday suits." said Sven Sven. The project, named Putting Pants On Danes, will try to prevent mental trauma in children and most adults, often caused by seeing these images. "We're not sure where to start," Mr. Sven commented, "but it's probably a good idea to start with banjos and work from there."
StarTrek.com going offline
by Pstonie (21 December 2005)Coming from Save Enterprise, it appears to be true. I'm sure a lot of people thought like I did when they cancelled Enterprise; that Star Trek will return after a while, stronger and better than ever before. But now it just seems like it's all over. What this means to me is that Paramount is completely giving up on the franchise. My only hope is that someone somewhere will think up a new way to show Patrick Stewart kicking the crap out of an entire race of aliens.
New EU brain chip angers weirdos and circus people
by Pstonie (14 December 2005)A new initiative by the European Union to track individuals and monitor brainwaves has caused freedom activists and circus performers to protest. "This new chip they want to put in our heads will be tracked by satellite and will issue automatic speeding fines if you're going over the posted speed limit. How are we supposed to make a living?" Asked Howard The Magnificent, travelling daredevil with the Freedom Circus. "Circus freaks have nothing to fear. This chip will monitor your intentions and thoughts as well and won't issue a speeding fine if you're being shot out of a cannon. It will only notify us if you're doing something dangerous, like driving a car." Commented James Cheesebread, trying to satisfy the crowd. The mob quickly regrouped and started protesting against abortion. The new chip will be implanted into every citizen and will guard against terrorist thoughts while also delivering relevant advertisements directly into the subject's subconscious. It will render the current TPM chip obsolete.
Man sues ABC for lost suspense
by Pstonie (8 December 2005)A Texan man has filed a lawsuit against television network ABC for alleged inappropriate materials on the website for the hit TV show Lost. "I was shootin' me some dogs in the field so I missed mah fav'rite TV show." Tedmond Rivers (42) accuses ABC of giving away the details on the episode that he missed while away on business. "When I done read the whole thing on that there interweb site, the episode was spoiled like an old ham." ABC's legal department has not yet released any details on how they plan to deal with the situation. "Yeap, they be scared. I be waitin' for them with m'shotgun." Mr. Rivers commented.