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Ask Dr. Jeff

by Pstonie (18 September 2006)

I was getting a lot of mails asking a lot of questions I couldn't answer, so I thought that it's about time we brought in a professional. When I couldn't find one, I decided that Dr. Jeff was sufficient. By the way, shortly after I found Dr. Jeff, I remembered that the BoM already had such a feature. I decided to post his advice anyways.

Dear GGC Media,

Where the hell is Gareth? The site was bad enough before, but now without his token British presence and his catchphrase "Where all da mofos at?" it's just completely unbearable! Bring the G back or else.

Sincerely,
-CB Demented, Ohio

Dr. Jeff sez:

Mr. Demented,

I don't know what the hell you're on. What's a GCC Media? The only Gareth I know is currently a permanent resident of the great lake Titicaca. You just don't mess with Dr. Jeff's woman and think you can get away with it!

Pstonie,

Eat shit and die.

Love,
Mom

Dr. Jeff sez:

Yo, bitch!

Who you think you talkin' to, ho? I ain't no Protnie and you most certainly are not my mother.

PS: Got any plans Friday night?

Tired of you s.ex life burning? Find new l-ove all over the world with a new ss_ervicce that finds new l*ve all over the world with a new ss_ervicce that finds new l*ve all over the world!( The new saffe way to find all the h0.t c(u]m queens!!!

Dr. Jeff sez:

Asshole,

The guy who paid me said I should read and reply to all the stuff in his 'stupid junk' folder. This shit ain't even any of my business.

Dear Stong Bad,

What is your favourite song? And how manny times a day to you reads email?

Your freind,
Henry, YT

Dr. Jeff sez:

What the hell, bro? A quick look at this folder says you send like 50 of these things a day. Don't yo stupid bitch ass have anything better to do?

This isn't even the right e-Mail address, dumbass. I don't know what the hell is going on in your little peanut ass brain, but Strong Bad's e-Mail address is obviously strongbad@homestarrunner.com. Not that I'd know what it is, because I certainly don't find their offbeat humour refreshing.

The message is ready to be sent with the following file or link attachments:

picture_of_my_cock.jpg

Note: To protect against computer viruses, e-mail programs may prevent sending or receiving certain types of file attachments. Check your e-mail security settings to determine how attachments are handled.

Dr. Jeff sez:

You should know I don't find this amusing. I'll have you know that Dr. Jeff is all about the ladies and so forth. Even if I wasn't, I could see all the pictures of male genitalia that I want and the selection would most certainly put your little buttsticker to shame.

Nice piercing, though. Is that real silver?

Mr. Pstonie of ggcmedia.com,

I write to you once more to enquire as to the e-Mail address of Justas. As I have said, his humour and wit really stands out on what would otherwise be a rather mediocre website.

I would like to inform you that the previous two e-Mail addresses that you supplied for him, namely justas@gaymansheaven.cum and justas@iloveolzen.gay, have returned negative results. Please send us any other e-Mail addresses you may have for him, as we would like to enter talks to secure a contract as the QA lead for NipponPornCorp.

Sincerely,
BJ Hooters

Dr. Jeff sez:

Well, well, well. If it isn't my old friend BJ. What did I tell you about trippin' on my turf, homeboy? If you mess with the Jeff, you get something that starts with F.

Don't even think about sending any of yo cracka friends around my pad, neither. I got something long, hard and dangerous waiting for all-ya asses!

Word,
Da Jefftinator